the brain that refuses to listen...i call it the brain because more often than just occasionally it refuses to listen to me and works and thinks on its own accord. When i'm attending lectures in college it makes me think about dresses or how much money is left in my bank account and how i have to squeeze through with that amount in the next ten to fifteen days that is left in the month. while all i want to concentrate on is how Stalin carried out the purge in Russia. seriously, sometimes i think im losing it and the last bit of sanity that is left in me will go up in smokes in the next few days.while i want to sleep at 11 at night, my brain keeps me awake till two at night and il be thinking of random things both happy and depressing. i feel utterly helpless dealing with situations like these , and often wonder whether it is due to stress of studies but then how can it be as i hardly ever study thanks to my alien brain or are these the initial symptoms of some psychological breakdown, the latter is more likely as i often come across articles in the newspapers of how India is in need of a lot more psychologists and that stress and nervous breakdown levels are increasing in urban India. but the more i think about it the the less likely i feel about me being on the verge of psychological breakdown or ok... being less dramatic a minor depression.
the third conclusion i have drawn is that it is more resulting due to peer pressure, relationship expectations the need to be liked and appreciated on social networking sites. because no matter how hard i try to act like an introvert and take pride in myself by calling myself an anti social. the truth is like every one else i too feel the need sometimes or more than sometimes to feel accepted and appreciated by people in general. its not like i want to be a social diva or something but just a random friendly gesture or few words of encouragement is what i look for. when sometimes things dont work out with friends or family, i do feel the need and urge to turn somewhere for comfort because if i dont then i will be just repressing it, and repression is not healthy at all infact it is quite dangerous. now im digressing from the points that i started with, see this is how my brain works.one minute here the next it jumps to a point of conversation that is totally of the radar.
its very essential to be able to tame your brain like we have to do with dogs, otherwise it will do whatever the hell it wants and will crap all over the place. right now im in the process of doing that, and i know slow and steady i will get there. one more thing i do to relax my jingling nerves  is to write, whatever comes to my mind. it acts like a soothing balm to my troubled mind. so i f anyone doesnt like the content of this post just click on the red cross on the top right hand side :)
and hopefully il be more regualr in coming back here and writing my heart out. till another phase of blues takes over me..tata!